Addiction & This Week’s News

I grew up with an intense fear of addiction, instilled in me through the movies my mother made us watch at MYF.  This was Methodist Youth Fellowship, for any who might not know, and I don’t really remember whether we were United at the time, or not.  The movies were horrible.  One illegal substance, one time, was sure to lead me to heroin, which would have led me to be homeless on the streets of New York.  I don’t know the origins of these films, but they made an impression.  I also grew up with alcoholic relatives, and I knew I didn’t want to go there, either.

I’ve had multiple surgeries and injuries, and I’ve been prescribed a lot of medicine.  And I mean a LOT of medicine.  I have always been cautious, though, because in the back of my mind, the specter of addiction remained.  To those who know me, you also know I have a need for control.  This is no surprise.  As a pilot, I cannot afford to be impaired.

Yesterday’s news that the FDA is allowing Oxycontin to be prescribed to children as young as 11 is frightening, although I’m not sure of the limitations.  Hospice?  Serious injuries?  I understand that the FDA has set certain standards, but I hope they are enough.  There are certainly conditions when a time-released opioid is indicated, even in children.  We all need to hope that the prescribing doctors are judicious with their prescription pads.  I have known too many doctors who are too quick to write a prescription.

I will never criticize anyone who needs prescription medications for pain management.  Unless you have walked in that person’s shoes, you have no room to criticize.  I’ve seen hospice patients whose pain was so severe they couldn’t speak.  I’ve seen burn patients whose pain was so severe that it took their breath away.  I’ve seen post-operative patients with severe pain, but with proper medication they were able to get out of bed and speed their recover.  The decision to take a properly prescribed drug is between the individual and the doctor.  Addiction will still occur in some patients, regardless of whether the drug is properly prescribed or not and even when it is taken only as ordered.  Our brains are miraculous and complex, as is the physiology of addiction.

Let’s hope physicians are prudent and that this drug is prescribed properly, and that the DEA monitors the prescribing habits.  If someone is going to abuse drugs, they’ll do it whether the drug is legally prescribed or not.

We’ll be watching.  Let’s hope the FDA has made the right decision.

8 Things to do to bring confidence to your work

I was recently contacted by a young woman who was passed over for a promotion because she “cared too much about what other people thought.” Her boss told her that she needed to be more independent and assertive.

I asked her to describe her typical workday and her interactions with her peers, and it became clear that she had fallen into the habit of frequently asking for approval. She was unwilling to take risks in her work and took a very conservative approach to her assigned tasks. Her focus on her job bordered on obsession and it was clear that she was missing the work-life balance that is so important to success.

I gave this young woman a simple prescription for redirecting her career path and for becoming more secure and independent in her decisions. These steps are important for anyone:

  1. Recognize and accept the fact that you do not need the approval of your colleagues at work. As long as you are performing up to the standards and expectations of your position, your colleagues’ opinions are unimportant. Keep the lines clear between business and personal.
  2. Take care of yourself first. Get plenty of sleep. Eat healthy food. Exercise. Have a connection with other people. Find a hobby. Consider taking a class or doing something to connect with people outside of work. All of these activities will make you healthier and more interesting.
  3. Acknowledge your strengths and your accomplishments. Use these to build your resume and your connections. Unless you acknowledge and promote yourself and your skills, you could easily fade into the background. There are plenty of others who are promoting themselves in the workplace, and you need to be your own best cheerleader.
  4. Own up to your mistakes but do not dwell on them. It is better to self-disclose and then take the necessary steps to take care of it. People will respect you for this.
  5. Be your authentic self. This is one of the best lessons you will ever learn. Be true to yourself and to your values and beliefs.
  6. Do not take business decisions personally. Someone can be angry about a decision you made, but that does not influence how he or she feels about you as a person. You could be passed over for a promotion, but this is not something you should necessarily take personally. As Michael Corleone said to Sonny in The Godfather, “it’s not personal, it’s business.”
  7. It is perfectly fine to care for others, but do not rely on affirmations and accolades from other people. Your happiness and your success is not dependent on what someone else thinks. Your opinion of yourself is what is important.
  8. Learn to disconnect. We’ve become almost constantly connected to work, with our mobile devices. Our employers generally do not expect us to respond to after-hours emails and human resources policies do not expect us to work 7 days a week.

Learning to be your own best friend and to take care of yourself, first, will help you maximize your ability to perform on the job and will help you gain the confidence you need to do your best. Recognizing that business decisions are usually not personal will make it easier for you to set limits and protect yourself and will help you accept ownership of your success and of your life.

Detesting Dulles Airport

Let me begin by saying my favorite approach is the river visual into Reagan airport, to runway 19 .  From the cockpit, flying down the Potomac with monuments on either side is nothing short of exhilarating. As a passenger, I don’t get the same view, but I do enjoy the views of the city. Given the choice, I will choose to fly into DCA over IAD, any day of the week.
I just finished a very productive trip to the DC area and I was elected Treasurer of The Equality Foundation, a nonprofit whose mission is to decrease the digital divide in Nepal and also improve the education opportunities in this beautiful and fascinating country. While on this trip, I was also able to spend time with two of my former students. It was a productive and rewarding trip.
I flew home from Washington Dulles at 0600. The bag-drop line was long but not unbearable, as some people did not know to use the kiosk to get their boarding pass. It wasn’t awful, though, but it was a precursor to the extremely long security line. There were only three scanners available and the TSA agent who checked me was a little too vigorous and overly intrusive in her pat-down.  I”m not even sure why I needed a pat-down since I was wearing the same clothes I had worn on the flight up.  I’m all for security but I’ve had mammograms with less touching.
I made it to the gate and encountered one of the most unpleasant gate agents in my 50+ years of flying on commercial airliners. This man either woke up on the wrong side of the bed or is just a really unhappy person. Rarely have I encountered a gate agent who is just rude to everyone. I generally try to avoid the gate agents, because I know they are busy and they deal with a lot of people, and I don’t want to create any additional stress. This guy seemed to go out of his way to be hateful and even chased a lady who did not say thank you, screaming, “You’re WELCOME!”  From his actions, she clearly wasn’t.
On the flip side was our pilot. He was Captain Personality!  He walked through the cabin, smiling, shaking hands, and speaking to each passenger prior to takeoff. He actually made a second trip back and told me he wished he had been able to fly with my husband prior to his retirement from Delta. Nice. Yes. My husband is the nicest guy in the world and he loved every minute of his Delta Air Lines career. Our captain’s uniform was clean and pressed and he exuded professionalism.  I love to see people smiling and loving their jobs.
Customer service is important and it is the responsibility of everyone in the organization. Employees may not realize that what they say and do reflects on the organization as a whole.  This wonderful captain’s commitment to excellence was very powerful and outweighed the unpleasantness of the gate agent. Hopefully someone at Delta will give the gate agent some additional customer service training and will help him see his job in a different light.

Grief, Again

We were on our way home from the airport.  I’ve been in Washington, D.C., working on a pretty incredible project that will decrease the digital divide in Nepal, increase literacy, and improve education.  It has been a very exciting trip and I was fired up.  If I had to rate this entire week, I would give it a 10+.  My flight arrived on time and I was excited to see my husband and three of my grandchildren.  We would drive home with Sirius 78 on the radio, Kids Place Live.  There was a lot of laughing and a lot of fun, until a surprising trigger came on the radio.

About a month before Carly died, we took her to Disney World.  I ran a 5K on Friday, a 10K on Saturday, and a 1/2 marathon on Sunday.  It was Disney’s Glass Slipper Challenge.  The icing on the cake was being able to take Carly with us.  We rode lots of rides and she was captivated by “It’s a Small World.”  That particular ride is one of my favorites, as I rode it when it was premiered at the New York World’s Fair.  I think that was 1964, and I had never seen anything like it.  I have always loved that particular ride.  On February 21, the line for “It’s a Small World” was short and Carly was as excited as I was.  She was captivated by the animation and the voices and the many wonderful characters.  As the dolls sang and moved up and down, Carly was transfixed.  The photo was taken on the ride.  Such precious and wonderful memories!

I’ve done well, I think, with the pain of losing our precious granddaughter.  But today, when “It’s a Small World” came on the radio, I lost it.  Carly’s brothers and sister were in the car but the tears came, anyway.  I couldn’t stop.  The memories of the fun blended with the extreme sadness and the result was an extreme pain.

When I got myself together, I apologized to our grandsons.  I’m not sure they’ve seen me cry since the funeral.  James, who is 10, very wisely said, “It’s okay.  I understand.”  The sad thing is that yes, he does understand.

You never know when the pain of a loss is going to hit you, and you never know when it will grab you so hard it will take your breath away.  Today was my day.  Sometimes you just have to ride it out.

The Downs and Outs of a Flexible Spending Account

It sounds good, right?  To be able to pay for your health care expenses with pre-tax dollars?  Then you find out, through experience after experience, that they will do everything possible to avoid reimbursing you.

Disclaimer:  My experience applies only to Ameriflex.  My husband’s FSA was with another company, and it was fabulous.  It was easy and fast.

My experience is with Ameriflex, and I will not sign up again.  I have spent hours uploading the insurance EOB’s from the various doctors’ offices.  Claims have been denied because the EOB is too faint for them to read.  Seriously?  It is uploaded, directly from the insurance company’s website.  I see them just fine.  I’ve had claims denied because “there is no date of service on the EOB”.  Seriously?  I’ve highlighted the date of service and sent it to them.  I’ve had claims denied because the dates of service don’t match.  Okay, this is a simple error.  I’ve corrected it and sent them back, and they still aren’t being paid. Maybe I paid the bill on a different day than the date of service.  Which date do they want?  Neither seems to satisfy them.

Try calling customer service.  You think they want to be helpful? No.  Getting a direct answer to every question I asked was like pulling teeth.  I’ve had more productive discussions with my cat.

Lawrence Hutton once said, “Whatever you are be a good one.”  This quote has been attributed to Abraham Lincoln, although there’s no evidence that he said it.  This would be good advice for Ameriflex.  I’ve exceeded my frustrations with them, two consecutive years.  I won’t make this mistake again.  I’m not alone in my frustrations.  Since I first posted my negative experience on Facebook, I heard from 38 other people who had experienced the same frustrations.

So.  If you have tons of free time to waste and you desperately need the $2500 reduction in the amount of income reported to the IRS, then Ameriflex is the FSA program for you.  But the value of my time far exceeds any tax advantages this might give.  They still have $1437 that I am contributing, but at this point, given that it takes over one hour to get reimbursed $9.80, the opportunity cost is makes this a negative.  I might as well walk away from my $1437 and be done with it.

Don’t do it.  If you are a human resources professional, look for a better company.